You have no control.

These days, using technology means having to face the realities of the world around me. Lately I have been escaping through books, movies, music, travel, food, culture, nature, and the beautiful people in my life. Except for the occasional Facebook rant and putting some harmless photos up on Instagram, I started using Pinterest for the first time and I created a Wedding board! Oh, I probably didn't mention that I recently got engaged to this guy on the right, Matt, the love of my life who teaches me daily about patience, humility, and devotion. If you read the first blog post entitled, The Choice, don't worry, I will fill in the past two years eventually. But I digress...

I have never been someone who lives in denial about current events or social issues. No, no, no. I am fully aware that our country is facing a turning point in its existence. I have no control over it, and neither do you. In fact, no one here on this earth has control (or even a clue...Polls? Useless.) as we learned in this most recent presidential election. Other than running for office, we citizens can only use our voices and stories to impact the big machine. Even our donated dollars are no guarantee but they definitely help. Ultimately our decisions are often left up to people who cannot truly comprehend our lives. This week was a perfect example of that. Our U.S. legislators are making huge decisions for us, and while they might think they know what's best, most of the time it's about securing their seat for the next election. I won't deny that fact and I don't think you should either. After all, money and party loyalty drive votes. I've been fortunate to work with elected officials who are kind souls looking to make a difference. Illinois has some great ones! There are others who forgot my name five seconds into meeting me, but that's life. 

In this time in America's history it is hard for me to be optimistic. Naturally, optimism is the way I roll. But for me, someone who has worked very hard to help lead a movement and shift a social issue, I am absolutely heartbroken that the progress myself and so many other advocates have made to treat people more humanely who struggle with mental illness, is being significantly threatened. We followed the data. Some took it, some didn't. The ones who did have seen major improvements and decreased risks. That's what you do with public health crises. You can theorize all day long about the right moves to make but at the end of the day you cannot eliminate human nature from the equation all together. Data is king. It drives change. Remember that. Clearly, this administration is all ideology in thinking they can rip away health care opportunities and somehow dig themselves out of an opioid epidemic. I'm all for the boys in blue. I love them, I work with them everyday. But, many I have spoken to know they cannot do it all. You can pour money into their pockets but are you also going to train them to be psychiatrists? Cause they didn't sign up for that gig. So, I am frustrated. Can you tell? 

So like W.S Merwin, I look to God and say thank you. Thank you for giving me the opportunity to try. Thank you for using me in the way you felt I could be best used. Thank you for guiding average people to save lives. Thank you for reducing stigma and making our society a bit kinder and gentler. And as I say it out loud and pray for peace, I just cannot help but grit my teeth together. For so long I felt like my journey was to help people. "The Lord giveth, and the Lord taketh away; Blessed be the name of the Lord!" (Job 1:21). I read this over and over again and I feel confused. Another lesson to be learned. Another stone to roll away. Why would God create progress and then threaten it? To test our strength and our will to fight back? To show his people 20 years from now that power and greed destroys societies? Then I come back to the realization that it is not in my hands. So I'll go back to reading my book now. Or, maybe I'll organize a rally at the White House. I guess I will have to keep praying knowing that I'll get the answer one way or another. This goes back to my original intention of starting this blog. Is this man-made chaos that cannot be undone?